so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
