You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
