I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
