u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
