lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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