Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
