just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
