We're facebook friends in real life
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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