I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
