i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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