It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As shirtless as possible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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