my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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