I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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