gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
