He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
