I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
that may or may not have been my penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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