i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
