So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
