so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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