How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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