I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
