just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
