A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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