You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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