You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
