i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
