Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
