I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
