shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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