do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
