did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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