Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize