you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize