after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
