The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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