he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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