Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
