O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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