I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
