The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
