I am in a vortex of obligation.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
