i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
bring money and cleavage
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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