Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
