I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
