so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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