So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
