I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
