you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
