I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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