I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
