he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i will never coherently bang her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
