see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ok first of all what the fuck
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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