I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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