I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
