oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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