i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
