I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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