i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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