Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
