Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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