This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
