she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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