i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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