This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
