I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
