You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
