He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
