I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
