ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
