tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
