You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
