tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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