I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
