There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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