The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
